It’s ironic that this is #2 on the ACOA book list- Following a project through from beginning to end. It’s ironic because it’s something I’ve been struggling with currently, with this blog! It’s been a few weeks since I’ve published (or written) a post. I was doing great for a few weeks, and things started happening in my personal life where this project took a backseat for a little while. I’ve decided it’s okay that it happened, and am going to continue moving forward without making it a big deal, but it’s definitely been a theme in my life where I will start something, do it for a little while, get stuck somewhere along the line, and either decide that it was stupid for me to even try it in the first place, or make an excuse as to why it can’t be finished. Reasons why that happens for me, is part perfectionism, (which is also a trait of being an ACOA), part self esteem issues, or worrying too much about what others will think about what I’m doing and judging it. I also was recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, but we’ll come back to that another time.
In the ACOA book by Janet Woititz, she details how many ACOAs have generally said they feel like they are a procrastinator, have issues organizing outlines for school projects, just can’t seem to get a hold of really figuring out how to complete a project step by step to completion. She says so many people grew up in an environment where many ideas and projects that were said and supposed to get done but often did not get done. This was usually due to the alcoholic saying something was going to happen, “I’m going to clean the garage” and it either never happened or it took so long to get done that the original idea was forgotten in the first place. I can relate to this happening SO much.
There are so many examples I could give. One is that when I was about 10, my parents made me a room in the basement, insulated the walls, drywall work, nice new carpet and cool recessed dim lights. They had help from a friend who did carpentry work, but some of the smaller things my parents did themselves. Most of the lights were put in, but they needed one more light fixture for the light that would have been above my bed. 20 years later, and that light has still not been put in, and probably never will be because, why would they after all this time? And like I said this is just one example of this, but there are countless ones. It makes so much sense that if starting and finishing a project is not modeled to you consistently, how are you supposed to figure it out yourself? Like Janet says in the book, “Lack of knowledge isn’t the same as procrastination.”
To fulfill a project from beginning to end, you need to enact a game plan. You will need to look at if it is manageable, if it is possible to accomplish, and if it isn’t, you may have to revise it until it is. Woititz points out in the book to study your learning style, look back at how you were able to study best when you were in school. You also have to figure out how long realistically a specific project will take, and how to break that down into manageable small bits. This is something you have to practice and shift as time goes on, and the more you practice, the better you will get at it.
As a parent myself, it is also something you have to instill in your children, which is hard when you didn’t learn it yourself. Practicing making a game plan yourself and not getting frustrated as you move through it will help them and you at the same time. Making sure to set guidelines for them, I actually have a friend help me make a schedule for us when I’m having trouble doing it myself because I know it will be important for them to have that instilled in them as they get older.
This blog is my personal project that I want to fulfill from beginning to end, even though there is no real end date to it, I hope to continue and help others in the same situation, and to do that I have to continue to make a game plan, make shifts sometimes, schedule time to write throughout my week and hold myself accountable. Is this something you relate to or have anything to add? Let me know in the comments.
Bloom